eva w/birds

Ohhhh, dogs, cats and tatts!!!!

I love it. I wish I could post my pets (3) and my tattoos (2, so far) but as you know, challenged.
I went to this bike rally today right down the street from my house and I had such a blast! The bikes were awesome, the men were leather clad GODS (what can I say, I'm a sucker for that outlaw shit) and the band sounded like a cross between ZZ Top and Stevie Ray Vaughn.
And I got a lot of attention, which I needed, because I've been in somewhat of a self-esteem black hole lately.
Not just the men, but the women, who were mostly in my age group, were all, 'OMG, how do you stay lookin' so good! What's your secret?' Well y'know, I work out, eat right *snort* yada yada

We're supposed to ride tomorrow, the oyster fest is in Amite LA this weekend, maybe I'll even wear my leather shorts, since apparently I look SOO hot. (conceited much)

My husband is BBQing and I'm making strawberry shortcake so there WILL be a b/p today at some point.....:/

Anyway, I love you all and your precious darlings....

hello

Hello, I'm Sam. (girl)
 I was a member in the other Purg for about a year I guess.  However I've been bulimic since I was about 15-16 and I'll be 21 soon (mar. 17th)  sooo I'm not exactly a new comer.  I"m a junior at West Virginia University.... soon I'll be that graduating senior (terrifying thought)  hah  

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I'm looking forward to the mod and other essentials that a regularly operating community definitely needs.  Although I'm not a major poster, I am a daily reader.  So occasionally I'll pop up in a few comments here and there but never really any big posts, thats what I use my journal for.  I feel uneasy about boring others with my problems.  Even if it is the internet and y'all understand it anyways.  That saying, dont' air your laundry in public... I truly take it to heart.  lol I'm old fashioned.  

so thats my introductory... and probably one of the few posts I'll ever make.  haha 

  • 051693

(no subject)

Toothbrush doesn't work for me anymore.
But, that's old news.

Pretty sure I can swallow my hand and
physically
pick out the food from my stomach.

Boy, would that be nice.

Remind me to head out tomorrow
and pick up some more rock-salt
and mustard powder. Ugh and yes
Apple Cider Vinegar.

Fuck me.

Bittersweet. Car/Broken Stomach/Dad Attack

Having a car is so bittersweet.
I love the freedom and mobility. But, damn it, I have a BILLION more binging opportunites! I'm getting so bad, it's like I'm actually going to break my stomach. After so much b/p-ing today, my Mom asked me why I didn't want dinner and I was like, "Oh, I had a pizza party at school and ate so much, then had a frosty a little while ago..." and my fatass Dad goes, "YEAH RIGHT, she's been here eating the whole damn kitchen and is only saying she needs a shower so she can puke." I blew it off, but GAWD.
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Sorry for not posting, I have been preoccupied with something I like to call FKitty, my state's gay standardized test which determine if we pass or fail. Who would have known 11th grade could be so stupid.

Anyone else experienced their bulimia worsen after getting a car?
 
  • Current Mood
    gloomy gloomy

not purging but not healthy?

SO I havent purged since monday


but Ive been restricting my calorie intake ( and carbs ,I hardly eat any carbs anymore they make me binge like a mad women)

on monday I ate like 1200 which isnt bad ( plus I dance for 2 hours on mondays)


tuesday I ate 700 calories ( no exercise cause I had a concert!)


and today Ive had 600 calories and worked off 300 on my eliptical ( yay exercise) and did 300 sit ups (half of my caloric intake)

I feel amazing and healthy my throat dosent burn anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This usually happens when I stop purging though I don't eat normally for like 2 weeks a binge and then I'll have to purge and I start my normal b/p cycle for a few months and then go back to  eating  alot less than normal

Ive noticed whenever I stop purgin my eating habits and weight goes down and when I purge I gain weight back

Does anyone else have this happen or am I just a freak
 
  • Current Mood
    chipper chipper
iris

om nom nom nom

ARG!! I just wrote an entry and then my computer spazzed and it got deleted.

Basically I was saying how I've been drinking this crystal light stuff that is supposed to help your metabolism.





I dunno if it legitimately helps, but I can say that after drinking only one packet yesterday at 3 pm, I had two extremely decent poos before the night was over.

I've been doing pretty okay with not purging but the problem is that I still overeat (or at least it feels like I do). I'm just going to try to keep going to the gym, drink lots of water and be as reasonable as possible with food. I'm pretty full right now because for dinner, I had Collapse ) I figure I will just drink some water and wait it out and hope the urge to throw up perfectly healthy vegetables.

So, here are some pictures from last wednesday night.

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The end!
  • Current Mood
    full full

(no subject)

Hey everyone, Im new to this community, not really. I actually used to post over on The Purge all the time, took some time away trying to recover, and yea, all it did was make me gain weight and spiral me further down the dark hole of depression. So, I'm back. Not sure how much I'll post since work has me pretty tied down, but... ill try to make it a point to read and comment as much as possible.

Im off to the Carrie Underwood, Keith Urban concert, then once I get home its bp time! Hopefully my gag reflex will decide to show its face tonight, lately everytime Ive been bingeing I KNOW its a horrible idea because the purges have been totally horrid, but every day I bp all I can think is, "maybe todays the day my gag comes back". I can only hope.

Anyway, heres a little about me, and Ill get pics up at some point in the week or so.

Name: Mellie
Age: 20 - 21 in August 5 MORE MONTHS!!
Location: California
Starting Weight: 230 lbs
Current Weight: 165

Ive been bulimic for a little over two years now, not sure why it started. I was a compulsive over-eater and closet eater since I was about 6 or 7 years old, and then one day I remember stuffing myself (which at the time was a "normal" amount of food for my fat body), and I walked into the bathroom, looked in the mirror and went, 'Wow, not cool', bent over the toilet, stuck my fingers down my throat and out everything came. From that moment on I was addicted, it wasnt horrible at first, I only purged maybe once or twice a week, and was working out every day. Then something clicked and I began to actually BINGE, then purge, and restrict in between the bp sessions. Over the past year ive gone from purging well using just my fingers, to literally having to rape my throat with a toothbrush to get anything up. Ive yo-yo'd from 145-165 pounds over the last 6 months and now am back to 165, a place I was stuck at for all of 2007 and its driving me insane!!!

Anyway, I'm a flake at school, Im signed up, but hardly ever go, I pretty much go to work, come home, bp, play with my dog, occasionally go ride my horses, bp again, sleep, wake up - repeat. Im in a pretty low point of my life right now, ive abused laxatives, pills, diet pills, and diuretics in the past but since moving back in with my parents - a choice Im regretting and cant wait to get out of right now - they've locked up all the pills. I am a cutter, my arms, legs and stomach are scarred beyond belief.

I dont know if this will ever stop and honestly.... I dont want it to. This disease is not a disease to me, its my friend.... how sick and twisted is that?

anyway...thats me, in a nutshell.

oh and yes, my icon is me... I work at a Haunted House every year... :) ♥
  • Current Music
    Kill - Jimmy Eat World