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March 15th, 2008

05:51 pm - Ohhhh, dogs, cats and tatts!!!!
I love it. I wish I could post my pets (3) and my tattoos (2, so far) but as you know, challenged.
I went to this bike rally today right down the street from my house and I had such a blast! The bikes were awesome, the men were leather clad GODS (what can I say, I'm a sucker for that outlaw shit) and the band sounded like a cross between ZZ Top and Stevie Ray Vaughn.
And I got a lot of attention, which I needed, because I've been in somewhat of a self-esteem black hole lately.
Not just the men, but the women, who were mostly in my age group, were all, 'OMG, how do you stay lookin' so good! What's your secret?' Well y'know, I work out, eat right *snort* yada yada

We're supposed to ride tomorrow, the oyster fest is in Amite LA this weekend, maybe I'll even wear my leather shorts, since apparently I look SOO hot. (conceited much)

My husband is BBQing and I'm making strawberry shortcake so there WILL be a b/p today at some point.....:/

Anyway, I love you all and your precious darlings....

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March 13th, 2008

12:18 am

WE HAS A MOD!!!!!!!


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March 12th, 2008

10:05 pm - hello
Hello, I'm Sam. (girl)
 I was a member in the other Purg for about a year I guess.  However I've been bulimic since I was about 15-16 and I'll be 21 soon (mar. 17th)  sooo I'm not exactly a new comer.  I"m a junior at West Virginia University.... soon I'll be that graduating senior (terrifying thought)  hah  

I'm looking forward to the mod and other essentials that a regularly operating community definitely needs.  Although I'm not a major poster, I am a daily reader.  So occasionally I'll pop up in a few comments here and there but never really any big posts, thats what I use my journal for.  I feel uneasy about boring others with my problems.  Even if it is the internet and y'all understand it anyways.  That saying, dont' air your laundry in public... I truly take it to heart.  lol I'm old fashioned.  

so thats my introductory... and probably one of the few posts I'll ever make.  haha 

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09:54 pm
Toothbrush doesn't work for me anymore.
But, that's old news.

Pretty sure I can swallow my hand and
pick out the food from my stomach.

Boy, would that be nice.

Remind me to head out tomorrow
and pick up some more rock-salt
and mustard powder. Ugh and yes
Apple Cider Vinegar.

Fuck me.

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09:41 pm - Bittersweet. Car/Broken Stomach/Dad Attack
Having a car is so bittersweet.
I love the freedom and mobility. But, damn it, I have a BILLION more binging opportunites! I'm getting so bad, it's like I'm actually going to break my stomach. After so much b/p-ing today, my Mom asked me why I didn't want dinner and I was like, "Oh, I had a pizza party at school and ate so much, then had a frosty a little while ago..." and my fatass Dad goes, "YEAH RIGHT, she's been here eating the whole damn kitchen and is only saying she needs a shower so she can puke." I blew it off, but GAWD.
Sorry for not posting, I have been preoccupied with something I like to call FKitty, my state's gay standardized test which determine if we pass or fail. Who would have known 11th grade could be so stupid.

Anyone else experienced their bulimia worsen after getting a car?
Current Mood: gloomygloomy

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08:25 pm - not purging but not healthy?
SO I havent purged since monday

but Ive been restricting my calorie intake ( and carbs ,I hardly eat any carbs anymore they make me binge like a mad women)

on monday I ate like 1200 which isnt bad ( plus I dance for 2 hours on mondays)

tuesday I ate 700 calories ( no exercise cause I had a concert!)

and today Ive had 600 calories and worked off 300 on my eliptical ( yay exercise) and did 300 sit ups (half of my caloric intake)

I feel amazing and healthy my throat dosent burn anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This usually happens when I stop purging though I don't eat normally for like 2 weeks a binge and then I'll have to purge and I start my normal b/p cycle for a few months and then go back to  eating  alot less than normal

Ive noticed whenever I stop purgin my eating habits and weight goes down and when I purge I gain weight back

Does anyone else have this happen or am I just a freak
Current Mood: chipperchipper

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07:22 pm - om nom nom nom
ARG!! I just wrote an entry and then my computer spazzed and it got deleted.

Basically I was saying how I've been drinking this crystal light stuff that is supposed to help your metabolism.

I dunno if it legitimately helps, but I can say that after drinking only one packet yesterday at 3 pm, I had two extremely decent poos before the night was over.

I've been doing pretty okay with not purging but the problem is that I still overeat (or at least it feels like I do). I'm just going to try to keep going to the gym, drink lots of water and be as reasonable as possible with food. I'm pretty full right now because for dinner, I had thisCollapse ) I figure I will just drink some water and wait it out and hope the urge to throw up perfectly healthy vegetables.

So, here are some pictures from last wednesday night.

nananarrrargggCollapse )

The end!
Current Mood: fullfull

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03:34 pm
Hey everyone, Im new to this community, not really. I actually used to post over on The Purge all the time, took some time away trying to recover, and yea, all it did was make me gain weight and spiral me further down the dark hole of depression. So, I'm back. Not sure how much I'll post since work has me pretty tied down, but... ill try to make it a point to read and comment as much as possible.

Im off to the Carrie Underwood, Keith Urban concert, then once I get home its bp time! Hopefully my gag reflex will decide to show its face tonight, lately everytime Ive been bingeing I KNOW its a horrible idea because the purges have been totally horrid, but every day I bp all I can think is, "maybe todays the day my gag comes back". I can only hope.

Anyway, heres a little about me, and Ill get pics up at some point in the week or so.

Name: Mellie
Age: 20 - 21 in August 5 MORE MONTHS!!
Location: California
Starting Weight: 230 lbs
Current Weight: 165

Ive been bulimic for a little over two years now, not sure why it started. I was a compulsive over-eater and closet eater since I was about 6 or 7 years old, and then one day I remember stuffing myself (which at the time was a "normal" amount of food for my fat body), and I walked into the bathroom, looked in the mirror and went, 'Wow, not cool', bent over the toilet, stuck my fingers down my throat and out everything came. From that moment on I was addicted, it wasnt horrible at first, I only purged maybe once or twice a week, and was working out every day. Then something clicked and I began to actually BINGE, then purge, and restrict in between the bp sessions. Over the past year ive gone from purging well using just my fingers, to literally having to rape my throat with a toothbrush to get anything up. Ive yo-yo'd from 145-165 pounds over the last 6 months and now am back to 165, a place I was stuck at for all of 2007 and its driving me insane!!!

Anyway, I'm a flake at school, Im signed up, but hardly ever go, I pretty much go to work, come home, bp, play with my dog, occasionally go ride my horses, bp again, sleep, wake up - repeat. Im in a pretty low point of my life right now, ive abused laxatives, pills, diet pills, and diuretics in the past but since moving back in with my parents - a choice Im regretting and cant wait to get out of right now - they've locked up all the pills. I am a cutter, my arms, legs and stomach are scarred beyond belief.

I dont know if this will ever stop and honestly.... I dont want it to. This disease is not a disease to me, its my friend.... how sick and twisted is that?

anyway...thats me, in a nutshell.

oh and yes, my icon is me... I work at a Haunted House every year... :) ♥
Current Location: california
Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated
Current Music: Kill - Jimmy Eat World

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06:28 pm
Is the layout alignment looking strange to anybody else, or is my computer freaking out?

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05:33 pm
Since when did Ashlee Simpson have an eating disorder?

angry rant, sorryCollapse )

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05:32 pm
EDIT: my mood has been lightened slightly because I just discovered THIS SITE:


Which is BY NO MEANS FOR THE FAINT OF HEART, it's downright repulsive. But if ANYONE needs a reason TO NOT BINGE, THAT website my friends, is THE deterrent.

 I have no safe foods anymore.

Everything leads to a binge these days. But I can't give up food! I'm soo freaking addicted to it.
I just binged on whole wheat pasta with broccoli.

That's my other recent development. I've been binging like crazy, allll day, but usually only purging in the evenings.
So OBVIOUSLY, I'm gaining weight. And my energy levels are sooo instable, so I'm sleeping all the time and I don't exercise, and I dont do much schoolwork.


I don't want to feel this way anymore. It's ruining me.
Current Mood: pessimisticpessimistic

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04:09 pm - question...

Why the FUCK do I have to love food so much?!

I convince myself I will do one thing and end up totally failing because I am surrounded by a buffet style cafeteria. 

Today I sat by myself and got like 3-4 plates a food. I always wonder if anyone notices. Staff or students.

Oh yeah and I am an RA now and got asked to create a bulletin board for eating disorder awareness month.

Awesome. Any good ideas? 

I have some some positive body image promotional stuff and some things I found at ED recovery sights.

Current Location: lab.
Current Mood: discontentdiscontent

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04:46 pm

Thought I'd give a quick update.  I started my Topomax 3 days ago.  Its FDA approved as an anti-convulsant for epileptics but it can also be used for migraines and for people with BED cuz its a crazy appetite suppressant.  I was reading up on it before hand and it has some pretty severe side effects i.e. bad memory, head fog, numb limbs, kidney stones...you know all the fun stuff.  I have to say so far I like it a lot. My memory is pretty good I think? and my appetite is low to normal which is absolutely and utterly insane for me since I think I've binged every meal of my life since I was 10.  I'm gonna compare it to adderall except I feel basically normal and not cracked out.

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04:45 pm
does anyone ever convince themselves that they are recovered for no reason other than falling out of the b/p cycle for a bit?
somehow every month i manage to convince myself that i magically recovered. i feel like i'm on some kind of schedule in regards to my b/ping. it's something like: feel out of control and b/p like crazy every day, 8-10 times a day. then suddenly stop during the week i have my period, and gradually start again a few days later. i don't know if this has to do with my period, or the amount of hormones in my birth control pills throughout the month, neither, or both. but for that amount of time each month that i don't b/p, i always think i am better... because the urge is completely gone... until my appetite kicks in again.
my period is also almost non-existent, even while on the pill. this time i only had it for a day. i always wonder if i would get my period without the pill. i really feel like i would not, but i am too scared to find out.
also, my butt hurts like crazy if i'm not sitting on a very padded surface. what the fuck, do i have to like, cover my ass with menstrual pads now? i'm pretty sure there are now padded undies that are supposed to make someones butt look bigger (like padded bras... for your ass.) maybe i have to start wearing those! damn.

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12:39 pm - How high can you fly with broken wings?
I nearly went a week without binge purging. It makes me mad; the lack of self control I have. And the thing that pisses me off the most is the fact that I'm dependent on some guy to control this.

Basically to cut the story short, I met a guy at a party a couple of weeks ago, and we've started talking last Wednesday...and since then I've seen him 3 times, and talked to him every day. Yesterday he got the cafe I usually go to, to make the area we sit in candle lit...but since I've started to know him, I've stopped binging and purging. And today, the one day he's away for an interview...and I haven't talked/seen him all day, is the one day I lose control.

Oh I dunno, I'm feeling so bloody helpless and weak, because I feel like he's the one stopping me...not my own personal choice. And it's like he HAS to be here...and I have to see or talk to him for a long period of time before I feel fine.

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01:23 pm - pretty damn pointless i am a pointless gal
i  think it's cool that we have this new community. i was just thinking instead of saying ive been a member for xx amount of time. we will all be able to say weve been a member of this community since it started. That is awesome to me. maybe this sounds stupid, but im a dork and i like to be included. and i feel "cool" for being here so early and being a member of 2 communities. lol yea im a dork definitly. I have friends in both places but if we could make one super comm thatd totally rock!!!

Lately ive been b/ping at work. this is sorta scary bc it means i might get caught. Also it gives me freedom, bc i don't care what my work friends think of me. At home i have to hide from the bf, but here at work i can do it multiple times and noone cares, or notices, it's great!!  Every day i get something from the gas station, or drive thru and eat in the car and purge once i get here. or if im a little late, i eat at my desk. The only problem is if someone comes in my office while food is all over my desk i totally freak out. Ha it's funny people at my job think i eat only healthy food and eat very little. I don't want that image to be shattered ya know? I also feel that it is my time to be alone, my food, my binge and i am not comfortable with being watched or observed. Is that wierd? probably huh...well thats why im distorted. i guess. 

i feel so stupid. all the time i feel my life has no point and i really want it over. I am purposly missing my gyno appts in hopes i will collapse and die. : s       i have some wierd stuff going on with my paps and have to get them every few weeks and they atesting and testing for every possible problem....maybe i should just say hey i have bulimia and im fucked up duh.....nah ill just keep doing this it gives me some hope of being found out i guess.  i dunno i am not ready to let go yet but at the same time i am screaming someone please HELP me....can't you tell im hurting.  I am hurting all the time, all the time, and i desperately want someone to ask me if im okay. I am always the one people come to when they need advice, money, support, whatever, but noone ever asks me if im okay.  Please just please someone reach out. im waiting but i won't wait much longer.  

Thanks for reading i tried to warn you this was pretty pointless huh have good day ladies (and gents) ill check up with ya tom.

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11:33 am - Question
Sorry hehe,

For those of you who see therepist whats it like for you. Do you go in knowing what you want to t6alk about. Do they ask you to talk about something specific when you first come in.........................

I just wonder what peoples experiences are like with different T's.

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11:27 am - Recovery
This is so simple.  Something I really need to remind myself so that I don't give on getting better:

I didn't get to this place in a day.  I won't get out of it in one.

BE PATIENT!!!!!!!!!!

So my therapists  challenge (I just got out of it)  sit with my feelings. Just try to sit with them. She asked me about my list of things to do instead of b/ping.  I told her.  I have them. I stare at them but in those moments  I can't motivate myself to try.  So she said then don't.  Just sit with what you're feeling.  People  always  try to run from negative feelings by some coping mechanism (ie bulimia)  so just sit with it BE with it, don't avoid it. And don't give up on it. It'll take practice to be able to BE with negative feeling with out going to b/ping instead. So she is well aware  that my spring break is next week. I'm gonna get a lot of practice. Scary.

Oh  and I didn't b/p yesterday  woop woop!

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01:43 pm
 I will fail out of college because of bulimia. 

Someone tell me to get the hell off the purg, get out of the bathroom, and go write my damn papers. :(

The end.

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10:42 am - army? coast guard?
Does anyone here work for either the canadian (or whichever nationality you are) forces or coast guard?
I'm considering goin to school to work for the coast guard. I wanna save lives :)
But I'm just super concerned. I'm afriad they'll find out how fucked I am and won't let me in. I just want to know if it's possible to live with an eating disorder and still be able to do that kind of work. I know I can't recover on my own. But if I have to get help, it goes on my medical history. And I need a medical exam in order to study and do my program.

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07:07 am
This deals with weight and possibly numbers, so just...don't read it if that offends you. Also, it's just boring and poor-me...Collapse )

^ I wrote that yesterday evening, which is important only because the "I haven't eaten anything yet today" sounds a little silly if you think I wrote it at 7:12 am...feel free to ignore it.

So what the hell? Who's here and just here/there and just there? Crossovers?

How did I miss all the drama? Though...yknow...I've thought we needed some present mods for a while. New rules?

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01:07 am
Ugh. Never drink "dieter's green tea" made by Midori. Unfortunately I didn't do my research beforehand, but now that I've looked it up I see that "extra bowel movements may be experienced for the first few days." Translation for the bulimic who has consumed 10,000 calories worth of pure junk today? Massive diarrhea.

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March 11th, 2008

11:51 pm
I'm confused guys. I wish there was one strong, solid community again...it seems to me like all that's going happen is a pissing contest to see which one can stay more active. I don't know, not like i expect anyone to care, but i'm probably just going to chill out for a while and see what ends up happening.

On another note, LOL @ being emotionally invested in an lj community~! I'm cool.

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March 12th, 2008

12:10 am - who wants to hear...
A funny joke!

click here for a funny jokeCollapse )

HAR times eleventy!
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: tatu

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March 11th, 2008

09:14 pm
I am going to type fast so I don't back out. I REALLY don't like making posts when it's not a question or asking for your experiences. I read the Purg like 100 times per day but rarely post. I have been a member for about 6 years!! So, for the new people...
I am 21 years old, college junior, was hospitalized for anorexia when I was 15-16, and the bulimic behaviors got into full swing after that. So, I have been through it all basically. I just don't like it when people think I am asking for tips when I say "what do you drink while purging" "what's the hardest food for you to get up"... stuff like that. I want all to understand I have been through it ALL... but for some reason I am very very interested in other people's ways... probably because no one else understands, you know?
So... hi to all, and that's about it. :)

and for a question, hehe...
How many of you have some oral fixation or OCD behavior that you feel you always need to be doing? Aside from eating or purging... anyone who needs gum or something to drink, or a cigarette, or alcohol, or some behavior like cleaning or studying... like all the time or else you feel anxious?

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06:13 pm - 'Tis Me Maiden Post! LMFAO.

I figure mostly the people who are part of the original purge are part of the new one, and hence. the old ones will see this post, and most of the new ones.
Did that make sense?
I was kindof surprised I hadn't posted to the new community, but it kindof intimidates me, ya know? 
My b/ping has reduced down to 2-3 times day as compared to my 3-9!
So I guess that's a good step. 
I think I'm getting toned...
That's good I guess.

My birthday is on the 13th [two days] and boy am I excited!
I'm going to be the big 15. lmao. 
Me and my friend have the same birthday.. except she's turning 16!!
And we're going to see Horton Hears A Who and going to Chuck E. Cheese! [[Oh.. and Chevy's... Uh oh.]]
Oh to enjoy the naivety of our youth again.... *sigh*

For some reason my therapist thinks that me being adopted, and me being asian is a challenge for me and is fucking up my self-esteem.
I really don't care about that stuff. My ethnicity doesn't affect how I feel about myself.
Plus! She was telling me how she wants to work with me so that I feel 'Okay about getting straight B's" and SHE SAID she wants me to "Not feel like I have to work so hard and be able to not sometimes." Ooooh, that pissed me off.
I found out that when I was restricting more in the summer, my blood pressure was 90/60! Normal is 120/80. and at my most recent appointment it was 106/70.
I'm sick of therapy. 

Annnnnnd as of today [or yesterday, I don't remember...] it's been a whole year since I got my period!
Annd.. Oddly, I'm pretty happy about it.. =]/=\

hose of you in therapy: How long have you been in it? Do you find that it helps you at all with your eating issues?
and for everyone: Would you rather go to therapy, or an inpatient center? Why?

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08:25 pm - Bulimia is a waste of time, and I hate my best friend.
 Alright, this is going to sound somewhat stupid, cause I am on LJ afterall. But I have NO TIME for bulimia! I have papers and tests coming out of my ass, but instead of writing them, I'm, well, puking. How stupid!

The sad thing is, I actually had a very good afternoon. I got into some deep thought about what I want and what I need right now, and generally just felt passionate about... THINKING.
But apparently what I didn't realize is that what's easier than feeling crappy is not feeling much of anything. Thinking led to feeling crummy and welll......

I binged and purged. I keep buying vegetables to make for dinner but I haven't had a proper dinner in a LONG time cause I usually b/p instead. I'm still eating breakfast and lunch though.

I'm really bored. With life.
Current Mood: blahblah

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08:35 pm
so i like the new purge :) i'm still a member of the old purge though. I am however going to start posting only here.

as i posted last night on the other purge, last night i finally told someone that i'm bulimic. It was one of my best friends from high school who I haven't seen in a while. We ended up drinking & talking, and I told her. It felt good to actually admit it to someone, i've kept it a secret for so long. I'm glad that I told her because she reacted good & she's not really in my life .. does that make sense?

anyways, tonight being the sweetheart/fatass I am bought takeout chinese for mom in law, and my boyfriend's little sister. I wanted it really bad, so I decided to be nice and buy them dinner too :) It was SO good. Honestly, like the best b/p in a while. 

so, how are the rest of you girl?

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I just wanted to let everyone know that yesterday was my birthday and Yes I am officially 15 now! Congratulations to me! I just wanted to inform everyone though that I got the flu literally like the day of my b-day at 1 in the morning.

I was barfing and barfing and barfing
10 times...maybe 9.

I'm hated it so badly. I am still trying to recover and everything. I hope everyone else is having a better day.
Current Location: sickkkkkkkkkkkkvilllleeeee
Current Mood: sick*barf*
Current Music: Me (Reprise) - Beauty & The Beast

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04:19 pm - http://alittlechange.livejournal.com/2429.html
I just showed my sister this O_o!

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03:45 pm - Knock three times on the ceilin' if you want me
Cut for my incessant ramblings, my shallowness, my insecurities, and my overall ridiculousness

I'll not binge,
I'll not feel sorry for myself like a little bitch. Know why?
Because I have legs. And even if I lose those, I'll still have arms. Or sight. I'm not sure which I'm more thankful for.
Current Mood: tiredtired

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02:16 pm
When do you exercise? I spend so much time doing/pretending to do the stuff I need to do school/internship and bingeing/purgeing  (and reading the purge!) that I don't know when to even try to fit it in. I used to do it everyday at least an hour and I have really been lazy lately. I miss when I used to be able to go for a few days with out food. It feels like I can't anymore. Or I would exercise  for hours if I wanted to lose weight now it's just b/p b/p b/p. I'm gaining weight. Argh.

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09:10 pm - Supersize v Superskinny v SuperSilly

Myself being the latter... supersilly!  Had a crap day, eat really well until after dinner.  Sat down to watch good old Supersize v Superskinny, but ended up pausing and buying binge food.  I'm not sure how to cut, so I won't list incase it triggers.  My flatmate hopped in the shower, damn him, I was going to use that, so I had to be sick in a bag.  It came up so easily, it was scary.  And now I am hungry again.  I still have some binge food left, so going to do it again after flatmate leaves.

I am punishing myself, I turned down a guy today, we'd been on two dates but there was no spark.  I said it was just me, wasn't in the right place.  But he turned a bit abrupt and said it was oh so predictable.  

I miss having a guy and someone to hold at night.  So lonely.

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03:04 pm
So  has anyone who is taking oral birth control ever asked their doctor how long it takes to be absorbed? Ive been on them for a long time now and usually im good at not purging any where near when i take them.. but as of late ive been geting closer and closer. 
So anyone actually know how long i have to wait after taking the pill to purge?

(5 comments | Leave a comment)

08:12 pm - hi
well hello,
I've been lurking around the original purg for far too long, (under a different username) and so with this move it seemed like the right time (and before restrictions get tighter) to say hello...

well i won't give too much unnecessary info.. but its been 3 1/2 -4 years since it first started
b/p way more than i can afford in both time nd money, ofc through purging, but also exercise and restriction for a long time when family situation and poor plumbing got in the way..

though I haven't posted before, I found that the (old) purg somewhat brightened my day, and acted as  great support  - because with the huge wealth of experience out there... if somethings troubling me, one of you sure as hell has experienced it too!

so I hope this new comm is as great and welcoming as the old one, and you'll have to forgive me for not being all that witty with my words!


p.s. should i select  f'riends' when it asks who i show this entry to? or do you make it 'friends only' some other way?
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: larrikin love

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01:22 pm - Where the cool kids are hangin' out these days
Well I guess this is where all the cool kids are hangin' out now. Guess I shouldn't be posting here then! Anyways, I had a random, bulimia-related musing and thought I'd share. Sometimes I swear I'm a fucking ruminate. You know, like a cow with four stomachs. How else can one explain the fact that I ate some delicious chocolate brownies and they never came back up. I didn't wait an excessive period of time and didn't, shall we say, "give up" easily, but they never reappeared. Meanwhile, my healthy salad from hours earlier (which I did not intend to purge) did. WTF? Do I secretly have a binge-food stomach that hoards all these goodies and refuses to let me un-eat them? Does it not stand to reason that things should leave in the reverse order of how they entered? Sorry to waste your collective time with my nonsense. Now go be productive, love yourselves (I don't mean in a dirty way, okay maybe in a dirty way), since none of us do this enough, and have a kick-ass day, all of you!
Current Location: my little domicile
Current Mood: confusedconfused

(15 comments | Leave a comment)

04:42 pm - Hi.
Thought I'd introduce myself. I am a member of the other purg but haven't made a post there since it started going downhill when Johnny wasn't permited to post anymore. My name is Jen. I've been purging my food 4 + years. I am diagnosed with Borderline Personailty Disorder, Anxiety, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and ED-NOS. I am also addicted to marijuana. I am currently not working and not in school. Sounds like I'm a real go-getter euh? I'm in the process of looking for a job and I'm planning on attending community college in the fall. I'm also in therapy - seeing a mental health nurse for an hour -ish every two weeks. 


Current Location: home
Current Mood: blahblah

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03:47 pm - another
New one that you're probably going to hate, so I'm going to cut it and warn you that it's disgusting. But if you love family guy then you'll be like, LOOOOOOL.

last one to puke gets the pieCollapse )

Ps. Am I the only one who pronounces this community name like purgatorium, and not with a "j" sound like is in the word "purge?" I mean, I realize purgeatorium looks stupid but it sounds off to me.

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03:34 pm - Chicka-chicka-WHATT?!
Eyyyyy my bitches!!
I hope this community is more reserved so I feel a little less paranoid about the shit I'm posting here (n00dz).

So that was that. I'm glad she's taking this so seriously. 
I've been wanting to post, but there's nothing new in my life. 
All I been doing is homework, and making crappy home videos.

Current Mood: boredbored

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11:55 am - Self-care
If you were healthier what might you do to combat stress anger, negative amtions in general. Or what things might you do to keep yourself nurtured if you "liked" yourself more?

(the obvious)

- Eat using food as fuel.
- Go out! 

(though it's really hard for me to go out. I am REALLY shy, and occassionaly I'll drag myself somewhere, but it realy sucks to go everywhere by myself any one else deal with this feeling?)

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02:16 pm - post whoring, sorry, but I thought you might like this idea
In the nurse's office back in high school, they had pamphlets like "101 ways to say no," and "101 things to do instead of having sex."

Maybe we should make a pamphlet like, "101 things to do instead of b/p" or "101 things to eat and not purge."

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10:06 am
Hey, ladies. How are you?

I came home from school early cause i feel like shit. And now I've got nothing to do. I'm thinking of watching superbad, playing video games, and watching Intervention ondemand? And I'm going to try not to binge. Yesterday was intense with binges. :|

So, I don't know why I'm posting this. But I haven't posted in the new community, so yeah.

Recommend me some good music? I think you should all listen to Dallas Green. His voice is absolutely amazing, like butterscotch or really soft skin. Or something. You know.. stuff that's incredibly soft and smooth. Like lotion? I really don't know.


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11:58 am
I dont have anything to say at the moment... 
just thought i should mention i have joined.
and im confused.
but hey .. now there is double posts to read, yay!

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01:56 pm - about the macro/promo
I was going to post this as a comment but apparently the entry was deleted.

About the banners: make one. I will post any macro or promo that anyone makes. This community cannot be represented by just one person, we all feel differently about the issues at hand. We have people who are actually trying to recover and people who LOVE smearing themselves in chocolate and puking all day. We have people who are fat and people who are skinny. We should have all kinds of banners to represent us. Gross ones, funny ones, serious ones, ones about recovery. I'm all for acceptance and I'm not going to complain if you make a macro that not everyone likes.

And on that note, krista likes this one:

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12:01 pm - HEY ALL
 hey there ladies.......i am joining here bc i love you all.

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11:27 am
I'm gonna take advantage of the fact that we don't know what the rules are or if there are any and talk about what ever the fuck I want to. You know what I want to talk about? Lip gloss.

I am addicted to lip gloss. I go through like a tube every 9 days and my lips aer ALWAYS glossed. My boyfriend hates it and will rarely kiss me when i have it on, so I actuallly have to wipe it off to make out. I have a million different colors and I prefer it to chapstick. My lip gloss ranges from $1 tubes to $30 tubes (and I won't wipe that shit off for anyone.)
HOWEVER, it occurs to me that I may be wasting a lot of lipgloss when I am purging. This fact startles me and makes me a little disgruntled! And then it made me think about the rest of my makeup! When my eyes get watery, I am wasting eyeliner! When I am wiping puke off my face I am losing loose powder! Bulimia is totally stealing my makeup! What a bitch of a thing to realize today! No wonder I spend so much money on make up all the time.

Ok really though, you're gonna have to excuse me. I am deliriously tired and overwhelmed with work today and I am trying to get Limey to talk me out of a binge. SO I was making a list of all the reasons I shouldn't binge and I was reapplying lip gloss and that's how all this got started. Ignore me.

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07:57 am - ARticle.
Can you relate? 

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04:53 am
 I hate insomnia. I've been awake since 9am. It is now 5 am. I still can't sleep. I "binged" on spaghetti sauce. Who the fuck does that? It was probably a 200 calorie binge. Yeah, I routinely down entire jars of salsa or marina sauce. I'm a tomato addict. But oddly, ketchup doesn't do much for me. Anyways, I'm freaking out in my head, well half my head. The other half is telling the freaking out half that 200 calories of watered down tomatoes isn't going to do anything and I need to go to bed now, not puke. That would taste bad anyways. It seems my after-midnight-snacks/binges always consist of foods that will taste absolutely horrible coming up. 

Must sleep. Must sleep. I need to find a job. Its been 3 months. I need a routine and schedule.

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09:33 pm - mmm tasty and effective
I am  seriously considering following every meal with (soy) icecream. Its magical. A purgers best friend :)

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02:05 am - There's a nicer story at the end of this post
First post to this new purgatorium.

 I think I'm addicted to A&E's show, Intervention. I just watch the ED ones on youtube. I'll watch all of them eventually. I'm sure I will be able to relate to all of them. I'm drunk, drugged, or something or another often enough to relate to most of these people.  

STORY TIME: I was hungry while at my friend's house on Sunday, and opened the fridge. This is okay, because I've known both of the guys that live there for almost five years now. So I find brownies. I'm happily eating a brownie, and thankfully, I wasn't binging, and had only eaten half, when my friend comes out of his room, sees me eating it, and starts freaking out and yelling, "HOLY SHIT. Those are pot brownies! How much did you eat? They are so fucking strong, I ate a quarter of one and was stoned the next MORNING!" I was thinking, "Hmm, no problem." Went, puked up a bit, got mildly stoned for an hour. All was good. Ahh. bulimia saves the day.

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